Comments on: Wow, Man, It Really IS Complicated http://livinginsplitsville.com/wordpress/2010/01/07/it-really-is-complicated/ Notes on a Midlife Makeover Sun, 18 Jul 2010 12:37:43 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 hourly 1 By: Karen Bannan from NaturalAsPossibleMom http://livinginsplitsville.com/wordpress/2010/01/07/it-really-is-complicated/comment-page-1/#comment-692 Karen Bannan from NaturalAsPossibleMom Tue, 12 Jan 2010 05:59:21 +0000 http://livinginsplitsville.com/wordpress/?p=919#comment-692 OMG! What a scary story! How did you keep it together? You ask about my drug use. I was always the designated driver, the one who watched everyone else get stoned. I don't know why, but that's just the way it was. That said, I have already started telling Katelyn that I will never be angry at her if she calls me in the middle of the night for a ride. My biggest fear is her getting behind a wheel or getting in the car with someone under the influence. I figure if I start now she will believe me when she's old enough to be in that situation and make the right choice. Do I want her drinking or doing drugs? No, and I do hope she makes the same choice that I do. But I will be there for her if she doesn't. OMG! What a scary story! How did you keep it together?

You ask about my drug use. I was always the designated driver, the one who watched everyone else get stoned. I don’t know why, but that’s just the way it was.

That said, I have already started telling Katelyn that I will never be angry at her if she calls me in the middle of the night for a ride. My biggest fear is her getting behind a wheel or getting in the car with someone under the influence. I figure if I start now she will believe me when she’s old enough to be in that situation and make the right choice. Do I want her drinking or doing drugs? No, and I do hope she makes the same choice that I do. But I will be there for her if she doesn’t.

]]> By: Raquel http://livinginsplitsville.com/wordpress/2010/01/07/it-really-is-complicated/comment-page-1/#comment-687 Raquel Thu, 07 Jan 2010 22:27:04 +0000 http://livinginsplitsville.com/wordpress/?p=919#comment-687 I did then, and I partake of the occasional toke to this day. My daughter knows about my youthful indulgence mostly thanks to my parents who find it amusing to tell indiscreet tales of my high school years. I don't think she knows that I smoke sometimes when the opportunity arises, and that's fine with me. We both know that we are in different stages in our lives, and make decisions for different reasons. My attitude is that I will be honest with her and answer most questions, but there is zero need to volunteer information or tell stories about myself. I only want her to know what she wants to know and will answer with only as much info as I think she can handle. She still cares what we her parents think about her behavior, though I know she would not admit that to her friends. It is also important to me that she respect us parents and our privacy. I think Just Say No is entirely unrealistic. I do casually and periodically bring up both drugs and sex with her in the context of what her peers are up to, and we have very open and honest conversations. According to her, she's not interested because she doesn't want to lose control of herself. She has allergies and she says she doesn't like how external elements can change the way she feels physically, and that's how she looks at drugs and alcohol. Sounds very reasonable, but I am under no illusion that that attitude will not change. I have said to her that I want her to look to me as the one to call if she needs help in a situation that might anger other parents. I call it amnesty. We will have to discuss it after the dust clears, but I don't want her ever being in trouble and afraid to call me. She is only 13 and we both know that sex and drugs are happening with a minority of her peers. I guess my main point is as long as she is willing to be open with me and vice versa, I think we'll get through this. I did then, and I partake of the occasional toke to this day. My daughter knows about my youthful indulgence mostly thanks to my parents who find it amusing to tell indiscreet tales of my high school years. I don’t think she knows that I smoke sometimes when the opportunity arises, and that’s fine with me.

We both know that we are in different stages in our lives, and make decisions for different reasons. My attitude is that I will be honest with her and answer most questions, but there is zero need to volunteer information or tell stories about myself. I only want her to know what she wants to know and will answer with only as much info as I think she can handle. She still cares what we her parents think about her behavior, though I know she would not admit that to her friends. It is also important to me that she respect us parents and our privacy.

I think Just Say No is entirely unrealistic. I do casually and periodically bring up both drugs and sex with her in the context of what her peers are up to, and we have very open and honest conversations. According to her, she’s not interested because she doesn’t want to lose control of herself. She has allergies and she says she doesn’t like how external elements can change the way she feels physically, and that’s how she looks at drugs and alcohol. Sounds very reasonable, but I am under no illusion that that attitude will not change. I have said to her that I want her to look to me as the one to call if she needs help in a situation that might anger other parents. I call it amnesty. We will have to discuss it after the dust clears, but I don’t want her ever being in trouble and afraid to call me. She is only 13 and we both know that sex and drugs are happening with a minority of her peers.

I guess my main point is as long as she is willing to be open with me and vice versa, I think we’ll get through this.

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