If you’ve sensed that I’m feeling a little negative these days, you sensed correctly. I know that negativity doesn’t help one overcome adversity–and I’m not proud of my currently cranky attitude. But it feels good to be honest and I have faith that you can take it. Plus, it’s therapeutic for me to vent and this is all about me. Hopefully, getting it out will allow some positivity back in.
Here is why I’m fed up:
- Because it’s really hard to find a job during a recession and applying via those huge job boards has gotten me nowhere so far (Check out WNYC’s recent Brian Lehrer segment on job boards to learn why.)
- Because I want a wonderful boyfriend, but I am sick of trying to find one online (and no, I don’t know anyone who knows someone, as far as I know.)
Let me expand on number two, which offers more opportunities for me to shoot the snark.
You might recall that my online-dating site subscription expired in late June. Well, apparently I get six additional months free as a reward for not having snagged “someone special” during the paid 6 months. So my membership extends through the end of December. Because that feels like more of a punishment than a perk, I recently clicked on “visibility settings” and made my profile invisible. Given my super-bad attitude, I think it’s for the best.
I’ve become like the characters on Seinfeld, who dismissed members of the opposite sex for being low-talkers or close-talkers, for having a big nose, an annoying laugh, “man-hands,” or any other human flaw imaginable.
I haven’t even had the chance to be hyper-critical of anyone in person, because I’ve been ruling out guys after an email or two. I’ve avoided getting back to some of them to stop myself from responding with:
- You signed your email “Barry,” which means that is probably your name and I hate that name, so forget it.
- You seemed appealing until I clicked through your photos and found one of you wearing a Speedo. It’s rarely OK to wear a Speedo and it is never OK to post a photo of yourself in one. If you don’t know that, I’m not your girl.
- You wrote that you never drink alcohol, which makes me worry that you’re either an alcoholic or no fun–and I’m truly sorry, but I can’t deal with either.
- You signed off with “be well” and that expression bugs me. I fear that if we meet, you might say something like “it’s all about the journey,” and then I’d have to end it for sure.
- Yes, yes, I wrote in my profile that I like lakes. But you’ve now sent me three emails asking me how much I do or don’t like oceans and rivers in comparison and it’s making me think that bodies of water are weirdly important to you.
See what I mean? I wouldn’t want to date me at the moment, so I’m going to give the male population a break until I can be a nicer, more accepting person.
(Did I just hear you snicker “good luck with that?”)
