I will probably never marry again, if only to avoid the possibility of having to tell people the marriage has ended. What a fresh hell was that.

Obviously, R and I were the first people to learn about our separation, and it was hard on both of us to absorb this news (however, please note that I suffered more). There was also a small inner circle of friends and relatives who knew what was happening early on, before we came out to the rest of the world.

Yet, despite the fact that the divorce rate in our country is famously around 50 percent, the rest of the world seemed incredulous. Shock, tears, fury and fear poured out of my assorted friends and family, who generally fell into one of these camps:

• The Disbelievers. To many who knew us, we were one of those apparently divorce-proof couples. They wanted to know why and what happened, hoping that if they grilled me hard enough, I’d cough up the simple, one-sentence explanation I was keeping from them. I didn’t fully understand exactly what had happened myself–other than time and life and kids and stress–so I guess my tepid answers (such as “oh, you know how it is…”) weren’t satisfying. One of my friends met me for dinner and repeated “What the fu*k?” over and over and over until the waiter arrived and put us out of our misery.
• The Protesters. “You can’t do this!” was the battle cry of the Protesters, who were also fans of “What about the kids?” and/or “What about your vows?” (Believe me, I was a card-carrying member of this club myself.) For some, it was more concrete: “But you just renovated!” That’s the one that really got to me. I mean, the kids would survive and vows were sometimes broken. But, truly, it is not OK to pull something like this right after renovating.
• The Weepers. When my own tear ducts needed a rest, I could always turn to this bunch, whose hearts broke for me, for us, and for whom our separation seemed to symbolize the end of the world. One of my loved ones actually told me that this was the most traumatic thing that had ever happened to her.
• The Suddenly Very Nervous. If this could happen to us, these folks deduced that perhaps it could happen to them, the still-standing happy or perfect couples (both adjectives become synonymous with doomed if you define your relationship or anyone else’s as either, I’m warning you ). I sensed that our announcement actually galvanized some who were teetering on the brink. A few took the opportunity to spill the beans about their own marital problems, which weren’t always pretty.
• The Vindicated. The ones who always knew the concept of long-term marriage was a sham and now they had more proof. I didn’t encounter many in my circle with this attitude, but the few who espoused it were psyched.

Now I’m going to do what bloggers are supposed to do, and end with a question: Have you ever had a strong reaction to the split of a couple with whom you were close?