Today is the First Day of the Rest of my Life. Again.
July 13th, 2009 by Christina

Well, I’m back from two weeks of communal summer-camp living in Maine. Yesterday I went grocery shopping, turned on the stove and vacuumed for the first time since mid-June. I also ate two spoonfuls of peanut butter right out of the jar–which is, sadly, what qualifies as reckless abandon for me these days.alarm_clock__10_

So now it’s Monday morning after a long vacation and everywhere I turn, the message is writ large: Today is the first day of the rest of your life! Only, it’s the first day for at least the third time since R left (which I guess makes it the third day of the rest of my life? I don’t know how that works.)

The first first day of the rest of my life was the one after R moved out. I awoke with a weary, yet hopeful feeling. The months leading to his departure were polluted and painful, so there was a huge sense of relief just to be done with that phase. I could start over, make a new beginning and apply other sunny, optimistic cliches to my future!

The second first day was when I turned the big 4-5 last September. I threw myself a party for the first time ever, served pink prosecco and received a pile of encouraging “You go, girl!” type birthday cards. About a month after solidly hitting middle age, I joined a dating site–and if you’ve been reading, you know how that unfolded.

Now I’m back from Maine, where I overcame some major fears (driving alone, teaching, throwing myself out of a tree, to name a few) and stability of any kind seems more elusive than ever. Yeah, yeah, it’s great to have new and transformative experiences, but this constant making lemonade from lemons is getting old.

Here’s what’s at the top of my current to-do list:

  1. Find a job.
  2. Find love.

I hate Mondays.

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2 Responses  
Elizabeth writes:
July 13th, 2009 at 9:49 am

omg we have the same list. I am working to be optimistic and happy to send out my resume! a job with i despise. would love to pay someone to do that for me. Your spirit and bravery inspire. wish we lived closer!

Living in Splitsville » Blog Archive » The Honeymoon (From Hell) is Over. Now What? writes:
June 24th, 2010 at 12:55 pm

[...] purpose. Every day felt like a challenge, an occasion that required rising to, an endless loop of first-days-of-the-rest-of-my-life. It was often agonizing and exhausting, but there was so much intensity and drama, so much [...]

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