In retrospect, it couldn’t have happened at a better time–me finding out that R was seeing someone, that is. I was a couple of weeks into my fling with D, and the endorphins, I guess, had me anesthetized. Thank god.

R and I were on the phone discussing logistics concerning our daughters–a daily fact of life–when he casually announced that he was “seeing someone.”

I was looking forward to visiting D that night and consumed with my own romance, so, even though R’s announcement stung, I didn’t feel the full force of it. I actually responded with “Well, good for you! I’m happy for you.”

Can you believe that’s what I said?? I mean, it would be lovely to be that accepting and evolved, but I’m not. It was clearly a shock reaction, which isn’t uncommon when people hear news that they simply can’t absorb. (I know because I’ve seen it on Grey’s Anatomy.) Here’s a description of the phenomenon based on Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’s stages of grief: The person may nod and accept the news without appearing to be troubled by it. Inside, they have frozen out the news that has not really taken hold yet.

Over the course of the next few weeks, as the protective shell of the D fling started to crumble, I re-experienced R’s news a little more fully — ie as a full body slam. The anesthesia was wearing off and the pain was excruciating. Ow. Ow. Ow.

By now you know that I am determined to use discretion in this blog–no graphic descriptions of carnal acts, no wallowing, no excessive bitterness; in keeping with that, I am going to steer clear of my complicated feelings regarding this so-called “seeing someone” matter (I have my kids to consider, remember, and I suspect it’s just a matter of time before they find this blog.)

Just believe me when I say that it really, really sucks to think of your long-term spouse with someone else–no matter how the marriage played out. It’s that losing-a-limb thing again–sort of like if my mother had called and said “oh, by the way, it was nice being your mother for 45 years, but, fyi, I went out and replaced you with another daughter and it turns out I like her better. See ya!”

Of course, since R and I were separating, I had to have understood that we’d both eventually find other people, right? And you’re probably thinking: Hel-LO! Christina, you were seeing someone too–so what’s the difference, what’s the fuss? Again, discretion prevents me from explaining in depth, but in my case, the seeing someone was more of a reaction and in R’s, more of an action (am I being too cryptic here?)

Back to that phone call with R: After telling him how delighted I was for him, I said “I’m seeing someone too!”  And he responded with “Well, good for you. I hope you’re having fun.” I think he really meant it, which is so beyond annoying.

Plus, my fling ended; his continues–a gift that keeps on giving.