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About Me
April 27th, 2009 by Christina
Me, still living in Marriedville

Me, still living in Marriedville

On my sixteenth wedding anniversary, I stood with my left hand submerged in a sink full of soapy water, grimacing as I tried to force my wedding ring over my knuckle and off the finger that had been its longterm residence. The whole experience–the waves of pain, the relief when it was all over, and the tender, wrinkly white circle of finger flesh it revealed–was oddly reminiscent of labor and delivery.

My husband, whom I’ll call R (because it bears no resemblance to any of his initials) had moved out a week before.

The separation itself was unexpected, lengthy, and miserable, and propelled me into a coma of disbelief for months. When I finally came to, I had to wrap my mind around the unwieldy fact that I was single for the first time in almost 20 years. And not just single–a word tinged with desperation–but also a “single mom,” to me an even more pity-inducing moniker. I found this new identity unsettling, to say the least. Devastating, to say the most.

When you’ve spent almost half your life as part of a twosome, losing your spouse is akin to losing a limb. It requires a whole new way of being in both day-to-day and big-picture ways. There have been a million moments like the one during my first post-separation grocery shop when I found myself staring blankly into my shopping cart. I knew I should put the soy milk back because the soy milk drinker in the house was no longer, um, in the house–but it seemed so wrong to go home with no soy milk that I actually debated what to do (I put it back). On a grand-scheme-of-things level, I’ve been asking myself questions like “Who am I without this guy?” and “Now what do I do with the rest of my life?”

Let me now confess that I kicked and screamed my way to the blogosphere. But now that I’m here, I see that this phase of my life lends itself particularly well to the form. It’s been 10 months since R moved out, which means I have some wisdom to share, yet the unmarried midlife me is still very much a work-in-progress.

Professionally, I’ve been working as a freelance writer for about 14 years, writing mostly about parenting, health, psychology, myself, and other interesting people for all kinds of publications and websites, including Glamour, Redbook, Parenting, Health, The Village Voice, Shape, Scholastic.com and WebMD.com.

I’ve also contributed to a few books. My favorite is A Love Like No Other: Stories from Adoptive Parents, for which I wrote an essay.

I grew up in Manhattan and I now live in Brooklyn with my two daughters.

Come along as I discover where life leads me, one post at a time.

Christina

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7 Responses  
L1za Lauber writes:
May 3rd, 2009 at 10:23 pm

WOw, CAN’T WAIT TO READ IT AND YES, IT IS YOUR MEDIUM AND MUCH BETTER THAN FACEBOOK. CONGRATS!! LOve Me

M. C. in Illinois writes:
February 7th, 2010 at 11:47 am

I love that I can post comments on your site without having to sign in to some account. Is that correct? Or is it because I already signed in to Google on another blog site? Anyway, I’m enjoying your blog lately even though I’m not in Splitsville.

Susan Hall writes:
March 26th, 2010 at 10:35 am

Christina,
I just found your blog today at the end of an article about smart women making stupid relationship mistakes. I am separated and going though a divorce. He is dragging it into court even though I have had a few women call and let me know about their relationships with him. Apparently I am not the only woman scorned. Anyway, I enjoyed reading your blogs and experience a lot of that same stuff that bounces like a ping pong ball around your brain. It is nice to meet a kindred spirit.
Susan

J Sullivan writes:
September 17th, 2010 at 6:11 am

I just read your article ‘Signs that you must move on’ on yahoo news; my boyfriend and I broke up on Wednesday and I spent all yesterday wondering if I overreacted but then I read your article and its like I had told you my story. We were together for 3 years and I never met his mom, who lives 10 minutes away or his friends (that weren’t already mutual friends). Wednesday was my birthday; I asked for jewelry for the first time and he got me a Nintendo Wii and then he had a softball game so my friends took me out which is only slightly better then the houseplant he got me last year and us having to leave dinner after the appetizers because of his volleyball game. I have spent the last 3 years being the laid back girlfriend and making excuses for why he does the things he does but I am done. Everyday with him was like trying to pry open a closed fist and I wanted to thank you for writing that article, it validated everything I have been feeling.

Christina writes:
September 17th, 2010 at 12:37 pm

Good for you! It is hard to stop making excuses. Love the image of prying open a closed fist. Thanks for stopping by!

zelda sydney writes:
July 25th, 2013 at 9:15 am

I just read your ‘Motherlode’ piece. I don’t know the divorce experience (yet, haha) but I just really enjoyed your piece so much (and wrote a comment to say as much in NYT). Really good writing that moved and grooved. Loved how you spoke about raising kids. If you’re into wine (and what grown woman with children isn’t…?) I try to be original about it at http://theillustratedwine.wordpress.com/. Not plugging my blog; just offering thanks in case you enjoy my work as I did yours.

Christina writes:
July 25th, 2013 at 2:45 pm

Love wine, more so since my divorce (sigh). Nice blog yourself, Zelda!

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